DSA Helpline https://dsahelpline.org/ Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline Fri, 03 Jan 2025 12:33:27 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://dsahelpline.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/cropped-logo-black-32x32.png DSA Helpline https://dsahelpline.org/ 32 32 Older People, Males, and LGBTQIA+ Community Less likely to Seek Support for Domestic and Sexual Abuse https://dsahelpline.org/2025/01/03/older-people-males-and-lgbtqia-community-less-likely-to-seek-support-for-domestic-and-sexual-abuse/ Fri, 03 Jan 2025 12:33:27 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73399 The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline, hosted by Nexus, has revealed certain groups of people are underrepresented in its calls, as they face societal barriers to seeking support. Abuse can occur in any household and among friends or family and often escalates during the holiday period. The Helpline is urging people in these groups […]

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]]> The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline, hosted by Nexus, has revealed certain groups of people are underrepresented in its calls, as they face societal barriers to seeking support.

Abuse can occur in any household and among friends or family and often escalates during the holiday period.

The Helpline is urging people in these groups who are experiencing abuse and people who are worried about them, to seek support on its 24/7 confidential helpline or webchat during Christmas, New Year and beyond.

The Helpline can be contacted on 0808 802 1414, help@dsahelpline.org, or via live chat at dsahelpline.org.

Emma Mitchell, DSA Helpline Coordinator, said:

“Christmas is often seen as a time for joy and togetherness, but for many it is a period of heightened vulnerability, especially for people in marginalised groups in abusive relationships. Men, older people, and LGBTQIA+ individuals often face societal barriers that prevent them from disclosing abuse. For many, issues like dependence on an abuser, social isolation, or concerns about discrimination or family disruption create additional hurdles to seeking help.

“While call numbers from these demographics are comparatively low, we know targeted campaigns and media coverage can encourage more people to come forward.

“For instance, following the release of Netflix’s Baby Reindeer this year we saw weekly average [i] male callers to the Helpline double and a significant rise in older people reaching out during tailored promotional efforts in June, July and August [ii].

“Behind every contact is a person who has found the courage to seek mush needed support and these spikes demonstrate that abuse in these groups is real and prevalent.

“Our team is here 24/7, every day of the year, to provide a listening ear and connect people with the support they need. We encourage anyone impacted by domestic or sexual abuse in Northern Ireland to contact us for information and support. You can also contact us if you are worried someone you know and love is in an abusive relationship and you don’t know what to do.”

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, hosted by Nexus, is confidential, operates 24/7 365 days a year, and can be reached on 0808 802 1414. Support is also available via email at help@deshelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor.

If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

Ends

Notes to editors

[i] Number of male callers each week 24/25:

  • 04.03.24 – 10.03.24: 1
  • 11.03.24 – 17.03.24: 3
  • 18.03.24 – 24.03.24: 7
  • 25.03.24 – 31.03.24: 8
  • 01.04.24 – 07.04.24: 6
  • 08.04.24 – 14.04.24: 7 – (Baby Reindeer released – 11th April)
  • 15.04.24 – 21.04.24: 11
  • 22.04.24 – 28.04.24: 7
  • 29.04.24 – 05.05.24: 7
  • 06.05.24 – 12.05.24: 16 (Piers Morgan interview w/ Fiona Harvey- 10th May)
  • 13.05.24 – 19.05.24: 9
  • 20.05.24 – 26.05.24: 10
  • Average number of male callers each week:
  • Pre Release – 04.03.24 – 07.04.24: 5
  • During/Post release – 08.04.24 – 26.05.24: 9.6

[ii] 17th June – 18th August 2024: 80 calls vs. 17th June – 18th August 2023: 39 calls from people aged 55+. = 105% increase in calls

  • The DSA Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Department of Health, Department of Justice and Department for Communities. For more information visit: dsahelpline.org
  • Nexus is Northern Ireland’s leading charity supporting people impacted by sexual abuse and abusive relationships. For more information visit: nexusni.org
  • For further information please contact Hannah Loughran, Communications & Engagement Officer via 07395 799 366 or email communications@nexusni.org – responses will be issued until Friday 20th December at 4pm when Nexus offices close until 9am on Thursday 2nd January.
  • If you need advice or support, call the 24hr Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7, 365 days a year, for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly. Webchat and email services are also available on dsahelpline.org and help@dsahelpline.org.

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]]> What is elder abuse or abuse of older people? https://dsahelpline.org/2024/06/17/what-is-elder-abuse-or-abuse-of-older-people/ Mon, 17 Jun 2024 11:31:59 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73359 The post What is elder abuse or abuse of older people? appeared first on DSA Helpline.

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What is elder abuse or abuse of older people?

We have joined forces with Hourglass Northern Ireland to highlight how older people experience coercive control/controlling behaviour, physical abuse and sexual abuse.

Call us now on 0808 802 1414
or email help@dsahelpline.org

Through our joint campaign with Hourglass, a UK-wide charity dedicated to calling time on the harm, abuse, neglect and exploitation of older people, we hope to raise awareness of the abuse that can – and does – take place in intimate relationships, and also raise awareness about the support available via our Helpline and Hourglass’ community response services.

Demonstrating the prevalence of what was historically termed ‘elder abuse’ and is now more commonly referred to as the abuse of older people, in our society, Hourglass estimates that 1 in 5 older people in the UK are victims of abuse. That would mean in Northern Ireland over 100,000 older people experience abuse. 

Additionally, the Police Service of Northern Ireland recorded 2,522 domestic or sexual abuse crimes against people aged 55 or over in 2023/24, representing approximately 10% (1 in 10) of all domestic and sexual abuse recorded crimes. 

This campaign comes as World Elder Abuse Awareness Day was marked on 15th June. While we chose to launch our campaign around this time when the challenges older people face are in the spotlight, we are committed to raising awareness of the key signed to look out for that may indicate an older person is experiencing abuse and the barriers to support older people face, all year round.

So, what is elder abuse or abuse of older people?

 

You might be thinking ‘what is elder abuse?’ – what is considered abuse of an older person? Perhaps your mind goes to older people being neglected in care homes, which sadly does happen and is abuse. Or maybe you think of a parent-child relationship where an adult child is abusing their parent, perhaps for financial gain? These too are very real forms of abuse.

Our focus for this campaign is elder abuse within intimate relationships, so between spouses or partners who are in established relationships. 

Face of an older person with open eye looking down the camera

It can be tempting to solely view older couples through rose-tinted glasses, romanticising the longevity of their love, however the harsh reality is that there are many relationships which are not healthy and respectful. A key aim of this campaign is to highlight some of the most prevalent forms of abuse of older people within ‘established’ relationships, which are coercive control, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. We have included the key signs to look out for below.

Older people can also face unique barriers to accessing support if they are experiencing abuse. For example, they might feel like they can’t detach emotionally from their significant other after such a long time, or they might have a fear of disrupting long-standing family dynamics. They could also be dependent on their partner for financial or health reasons, meaning that their life would alter significantly if they were to leave the relationship.

Generational beliefs and attitudes towards relationships can also lead to victims of intimate partner elder abuse not recognising their experience as abusive, not deeming it socially acceptable to discuss what goes on ‘behind closed doors’, and feeling embarrassed of their experience and so keeping the abuse a secret.

The key signs to look out for that may indicate that an older person is experiencing abuse are:

 

  • Physical signs of bruising, injury to body. 
  • Making excuses for injuries and self-blame.  
  • Injuries that do not match the explanation given for them. 
  • Avoiding medical professionals. 
  • Excusing the behaviour of family member/partner. 
  • Change in personality- becoming withdrawn, anxious, frightened, agitated, anxious or aggressive. 
  • Change in appetite, sleep habits, toileting. 
  • Constantly checking in with family member/partner, over-pleasing. 
  • No longer socialises, is more isolated, defensive. 
  • Isn’t allowed to be on their own with you without the abusive family member/partner. 
  • Lack basic essentials, food, heating, missing possessions or having less income without reason.  
  • Have pain, itching or injury in the genital or abdominal area. 
  • Have torn, stained or bloody underclothing 
  • Have bite marks and bruises. 
  • Have STIs or recurrent bouts of cystitis. 
  • Have difficulty sitting and walking due to discomfort in genital area. 

What you can do to support an older person

If you’re worried about an older person in your life – perhaps a parent, grandparent, other relative, or someone you know in your community through a personal or professional relationship – there are a range of ways you can provide support. If you reach out to them to offer help, be sensitive in your approach and remember to consider the barriers and challenges we’ve mentioned above. 

Our operators can offer information and support, not only to the older person themselves, but also to you, or anyone else in their support system. Our support is completely anonymous and confidential, and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year. We can be contacted in the way that’s easiest for you – we have our free phoneline 0808 802 1414, our email service help@dsahelpline.org, and a Live Chat option which you can access here on our website by clicking ‘Contact Us Now’ from any page. 

Older woman with glasses looking off to the left

With this campaign, we have strengthened our existing relationship with Hourglass, a charity which has a range of support services available to older people, including a specific community response approach which consists of advocacy services and facilitates the ability to build tailored care plans for older people. Our Helpline operators and call handlers have been briefed on this campaign and are ready to support any person who contacts the Helpline in the way which is best for that person, which could include signposting to Hourglass’ services. 

We know that reaching out for support is a big step for an older person. It is important to note that we provide advice and guidance for you to consider in your own time, no matter what age you are, when the abuse began or how long the abuse has been going on – you will not be forced to report the abuse or make any changes to your current circumstances unless that is something YOU want to do. The only time we would ever share details with other organisations, for example social services or the police, would be if you told us you or someone else was in serious danger of harm.

You can read more about this campaign in our press release here.

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]]> Over 100,000 Older People in Northern Ireland Experience Abuse https://dsahelpline.org/2024/06/17/over-100000-older-people-in-northern-ireland-experience-abuse/ Mon, 17 Jun 2024 08:50:11 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73354 The post Over 100,000 Older People in Northern Ireland Experience Abuse appeared first on DSA Helpline.

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To mark World Elder Abuse Awareness Day at the weekend, the Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline and Hourglass Northern Ireland have joined forces to highlight how older people in Northern Ireland experience coercive control/controlling behaviour, physical abuse and sexual abuse. They are encouraging older people, and those who care for them, to reach out for support.

Hourglass research reveals that 1 in 5 older people in the UK are victims of abuse. That means over 100,000 older people experience abuse in Northern Ireland.[i]

Joanne Barnes, CEO of Nexus, which hosts the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, said: “Last year only 6 older people per week (approx. 300 in year) reached out to the DSA Helpline for support, with about half of callers citing experience of coercive control, one quarter sexual abuse and one quarter physical abuse.

“Given that we know an estimated 100k experience abuse, there are scores of thousands of older people in Northern Ireland suffering in silence without the help and support they deserve. No abuse or control is acceptable, even when you are in a long-term relationship.

“It is important to note that the DSA Helpline is anonymous and confidential, we provide advice and guidance for you to consider in your own time, no matter what age you are, when the abuse happened or how long the abuse has been going on. We also provide advice for people who care for older people in a personal or professional capacity.”

Veronica Gray, Deputy Chief Executive and Policy Director of Hourglass, added: “Our own research tells us that the abuse and neglect of older people is on the rise. Without specialist services, older people will continue to suffer in silence, hence this unique partnership with the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline. Hourglass NI has developed a unique community response approach to build tailored care plans and advocacy services for older victim-survivors and we stand ready to work with those who needs us.”

Detective Superintendent Heather Campbell from the PSNI Public Protection Branch, said: “Unfortunately, abuse against older people happens here in Northern Ireland and is often unreported for many reasons. This may be the physical or mental ability of the victim, their dependency on the abuser for care and/or the fear of retaliation from the abuser.

“We recorded 2,522 domestic or sexual abuse crimes against people aged 55 or over in 23/24, representing approximately 10% (1in10) of all domestic and sexual abuse recorded crimes[ii].

“We hope that raising awareness on spotting the signs will encourage and give people the confidence to report this crime. Older people are often scared to speak up in fear of what will happen to them. Therefore, it is important that we are their voice, and we are looking out for older people.

“We as a police service are committed to preventing, deterring and detecting crimes against older people in our communities.”

Older people who are experiencing abuse should reach out for advice by calling the DSA helpline, our experienced call handlers will provide advice and guidance, including signposting to relevant organisations such as Hourglass and provide information on the type of support they offer.

You can call the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7 for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly.  Support is also available via email at help@dsahelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor.

If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

Hourglass has outlined key signs to look out for that may indicate that an older person is experiencing coercive control, physical abuse and/or sexual abuse. These can include:

  • Physical signs of bruising, injury to body.
  • Making excuses for injuries and self-blame.
  • Injuries that do not match the explanation given for them.
  • Avoiding medical professionals.
  • Excusing the behaviour of family member/partner.
  • Change in personality- becoming withdrawn, anxious, frightened, agitated, anxious or aggressive.
  • Change in appetite, sleep habits, toileting.
  • Constantly checking in with family member/partner, over pleasing.
  • No longer socialises, is more isolated, defensive.
  • Isn’t allowed to be on their own with you without the abusive family member/partner.
  • Lack basic essentials, food, heating, missing possessions or having less income without reason.
  • Have pain, itching or injury in the genital or abdominal area.
  • Have torn, stained or bloody underclothing
  • Have bite marks and bruises.
  • Have STIs or recurrent bouts of cystitis.
  • Have difficulty sitting and walking due to discomfort in genital area.

Ends

Notes to editors

To bid for interviews:

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline: Hannah Loughran, Communications and Engagement Officer – 07395 799 366, communications@nexusni.org

Hourglass: Veronica Gray, Deputy CEO and Director of Policy: 07496663816, veronicagray@wearehourglass.org

PSNI: News and Media Desk can be contacted by telephone on 028 9070 0084 or 028 9070 0085 or via email at CorporateComms-PressOffice@psni.police.uk

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Departments of Health, Justice and Communities. You can call the DSA Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7 for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly.  Support is also available via email at help@dsahelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

Hourglass is the only UK-wide charity dedicated to calling time on the harm, abuse and exploitation of older people. With more than 30 years’ experience and expertise, its mission is to listen, advise and support older people. Contact on www.wearehourglass.org, call the freephone 24/7 helpline on 0808 808 8141or email helpline@wearehourglass.org

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, 15th June –  https://www.un.org/en/observances/elder-abuse-awareness-day

[i] 20% (1in 5) of the population of people over the age of 55 (568,800) in Northern Ireland according to the NI Census 2021: 113.75

[ii] The total for recorded domestic abuse and sexual offences in 2023/24 was 23,171.

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]]> Male Callers Double to NI Abuse Helpline Following Release of Netflix series “Baby Reindeer” https://dsahelpline.org/2024/05/30/male-callers-double-to-ni-abuse-helpline-following-release-of-netflix-series-baby-reindeer/ Thu, 30 May 2024 11:32:27 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73342 The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline has reported a 92% weekly average increase in male callers seeking support for sexual abuse and intimate partner violence, since the beginning of April. The increase coincides with the release of the Netflix series “Baby Reindeer” and resulting media coverage, which has been quoted by Helpline callers. [i]  […]

The post Male Callers Double to NI Abuse Helpline Following Release of Netflix series “Baby Reindeer” appeared first on DSA Helpline.

]]> The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline has reported a 92% weekly average increase in male callers seeking support for sexual abuse and intimate partner violence, since the beginning of April. The increase coincides with the release of the Netflix series “Baby Reindeer” and resulting media coverage, which has been quoted by Helpline callers. [i] 

Helpline Coordinator, Emma Mitchell said: “This surge highlights a growing awareness and willingness among males to seek support for experiences of sexual abuse and abusive relationships. 

“Call operators have noted since the release of “Baby Reindeer”, there has been a significant spike in weekly calls from males (from 5 on average to almost 10 on average) contacting the Helpline after being triggered by the scenes depicted in the programme, with some noting strong similarities with their own experience.”  

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline has been managed by Nexus on behalf of the Departments of Health, Justice and Communities since 2019, in that time it has seen almost 70,000 contacts directly from victims and survivors of sexual abuse and/or abusive relationships, and many more from people worried about their loved ones or the people they support at work. Since 2019, there has also been a notable increase in callers from the LGBTQIA+ community, with a 306% increase from year 1 (2019/20:66) to year 5 (2023/24:268) [ii]   

Emma continued, “Each demographic group has a unique set of barriers to overcome before they feel they can reach out to the DSA Helpline. Societal expectations of men and systemic views of masculinity creates misconceptions around male experiences of abuse, making it difficult for men to come to terms with their experiences as well as making it difficult for them to talk about these. However, 1 in 6 men will experience abuse within their lifetime, and this figure is likely higher due to underreporting.” [iii] 

Of the 92 males that have contact the helpline since 4th April, over 1/3 (36%) have called about childhood sexual abuse.  

Emma concluded, “Every call we receive is testament to the bravery of the individual reaching out. We are here to listen, to support, and to provide the necessary information to anyone in Northern Ireland impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, regardless of their age, gender, experience or time since the incident.” 

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Departments of Health, Justice and Communities. You can call the DSA Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7 for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly.  Support is also available via email at help@dsahelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999. 

ENDS 

Notes to Editors 

  • “Baby Reindeer” follows the harrowing experiences of a comedian who is stalked and sexually assaulted. It was released 11th April 2024 on Netflix. 
  • The DSA Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Department of Health, Department of Justice and Department for Communities. 
  • Nexus is Northern Ireland’s leading charity supporting people impacted by sexual abuse and abusive relationships. 
  • For further information or to bid for an interview please contact Hannah Loughran, Communications & Engagement Officer, via 07395 799 366, or email communications@nexusni.org.  
  • If you need advice or support, call the 24hr Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7 for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly. Webchat and email services are also available on dsahelpline.org and help@dsahelpline.org. 

[i] Number of male callers each week 24/25:  

  • 04.03.24 – 10.03.24: 1 
  • 11.03.24 – 17.03.24: 3 
  • 18.03.24 – 24.03.24: 7 
  • 25.03.24 – 31.03.24: 8 
  • 01.04.24 – 07.04.24: 6 
  • 08.04.24 – 14.04.24: 7 – (Baby Reindeer released – 11th April) 
  • 15.04.24 – 21.04.24: 11 
  • 22.04.24 – 28.04.24: 7 
  • 29.04.24 – 05.05.24: 7 
  • 06.05.24 – 12.05.24: 16 (Piers Morgan interview w/ Fiona Harvey- 10th May) 
  • 13.05.24 – 19.05.24: 9 
  • 20.05.24 – 26.05.24: 10 

Average number of male callers each week: 

  • Pre Release – 04.03.24 – 07.04.24: 5  
  • During/Post release – 08.04.24 – 26.05.24: 9.6 

[ii] Total LGBTQIA+ Callers by year:  

  • 2019/20 – 66 
  • 2020/21 – 121 
  • 2021/22 – 116 
  • 2022/23 – 63 
  • 2023/24 – 268 

[iii] National Centre for Domestic Abuse 

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]]> Is this Coercive Control? https://dsahelpline.org/2024/02/12/is-this-coercive-control/ Mon, 12 Feb 2024 15:19:06 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73266 The post Is this Coercive Control? appeared first on DSA Helpline.

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Is this coercive control?

Valentine’s Day is widely renowned as a day of romance and love. However, for some it can bring anxiety and abuse. This campaign has been developed to explore what the term ‘Intimate Partner Violence” encompasses.

Call us now on 0808 802 1414
or email help@dsahelpline.org

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline receives an increased number of calls around holiday periods and with Valentine’s Day, February is no different. Valentine’s Day can be a beautiful celebration of love, however this period can also bring tension and amplify existing issues in relationships. Expectations and societal pressures may intensify, making it crucial to ensure those most vulnerable to intimate partner violence are aware of the support available and can access it. 

Over the previous three years, the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline has seen a spike in calls, with the number of calls doubling in the days following Valentine’s. In 2021 calls doubled to 50 a day.

But why might this be? 

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

 

Intimate Partner Violence encompasses all domestic abuse within a romantic relationship. The issue with this phrase is that many people see “Violence” and think that it only refers to physical abuse, however it is important to recognise that domestic abuse is far more than physical violence.

The Police Service of Northern Ireland define domestic abuse as threatening, controlling, coercive behaviour which is physical, psychological, virtual, verbal, sexual, financial or emotional.

This campaign aims to highlight the more covert forms of abuse that occur within relationships and how they feed into the wider cycle of abuse. The behaviours within a relationship that people don’t immediately label as “violence” but know that sometimes it just doesn’t feel right.

The Cycle of Abuse

The cycle of abuse is a complex and recurring pattern that features in many abusive relationships. It typically unfolds in a series of stages, beginning with a build-up of tension within the relationship.


The Tension Phase

In the tension phase, external stressors (e.g., financial problems, issues at work, etc.) can cause the abuser’s anger to grow due to a sense of losing control. None of these external stressors, or any other excuse, can ever justify abuse. The abused partner will often try to seek ways to alleviate the tension to prevent an abusive episode from happening. It is common for the person at risk to feel anxious, overly alert, or to “walk on eggshells” around their partner, hoping they won’t do anything to “set their partner off.”

Indicators of the tension phase may be:

  • Aggression
  • Impatience
  • ‘Short Fuse’

The Incident

Eventually, the built up tension and anger will result in a snap from the abuser. They will engage in more visible and direct forms of abuse such as:

  • Insulting/ namecalling their partner
  • Threatening to hurt their partner or someone close to them/ pets
  • Emotionally manipulating their partner and denying any wrong-doing (gaslighting: see below)
  • Committing physical or sexual acts of violence against their partner

The Reconciliation Phase

The reconciliation phase begins once some time has passed after the incident when the tension has begun to decrease. In many cases the abuser will try to make things right by offering gifts and being overly affectionate to their partner; also known as love boming. Love bombing is an abuse tactic wherein one person showers the other with affection, compliments, gifts and attention in order to gain their trust and ultimately control them.

Love bombing signifies what is known within the cycle of abuse as the ‘hook of hope‘. When the person who is experiencing abuse begins to feel the extra love and affection from their partner, it releases dopamine and oxytocin within their brain that causes them to feel relief and joy. This re-grooms them into the relationship as they feel closer to their partner and as if things are back to ‘normal’.

The Honeymoon Phase

After the re-grooming of the victim back into the relationship, there is a period of calm, often leading the victim to believe that their partner has changed and things will be different. Often in this period, those who are experiencing abuse will minimise their experience and question if the incident of abuse was truly as bad as they remember. An abusive partner may attempt to justify the abuse by blaming their behaviour on external factors such as stress from work.

The abuser may outwardly deny the abuse occurred or the seriousness of it or imply that the victim was at fault for angering them in the first place. In most cases the abuser will show remorse and may promise that it will never happen again. They will seemingly attempt to be more loving and understanding, which is why this is known as the honeymoon phase. This phase is often short-lived as the cycle begins again with tensions beginning to increase.

How they may be feeling


Those experiencing abuse might be experiencing shame or mistakenly blaming themself for the abuse, due to gaslighting, a tactic often used by abusers. Gaslighting is commonly used by abusers to make sure their victim doubts their own experience and perception of reality. As a result, the abusive partner has a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Gaslighting can take the form of outright lying, manipulation, scapegoating or coercion and can sound like phrases such as:

“You’re crazy – that never happened.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”

Generally, gaslighting happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem harmless at first. Over time, however, these abusive patterns continue, and as a result, a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed. Altogether, they can lose all sense of what is actually happening. Then they start relying on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a very difficult situation to escape.


First Responses Matter

If someone you know is facing abuse, it’s probable that the abuser will attempt to isolate them from friends and family. It’s crucial to reassure them that you’re there for support and to maintain communication if it’s feasible and safe to do so. If they open up about the abuse, that’s a sign that they trust you. It’s incredibly difficult for someone to open up about abuse, the emotional toll it takes may mean they are not in the headspace for solutions or to be questioned. Below are some appropriate responses to ensure the person who is disclosing feel safe and listened to:

“Thank you for telling me.”
“This is not your fault.”
“I believe you.”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“Would you like me to recommend some support services that I’m aware of?”
“I can support you to make a referral/ contact a helpline/family/friends if you would like?”

It is incredibly important that you express empathy to the individual disclosing to you and not tell them how you think they should be feeling. Don’t ask probing questions or suggest that their actions may have been what led to the abuse occurring; this is known as victim blaming. Victim blaming is any response that explicitly states or implies that the victim is to blame for the abuse they have experienced and it can sound like:

“Were you drinking/taking drugs?”
“Why didn’t you say no/shout/tell?”
“Why are you still with them? Why did you go back?”
“Why haven’t you reported it yet? They’ll be able to do this to someone else!”

It’s essential to understand that domestic abuse is solely the responsibility of the abuser. Nothing a victim does do justifies the abuse. Recognise that their self-esteem may be low, so uplifting them and emphasising their strength is important.

Although some of these responses may have good intentions, the best response to someone disclosing their abuse will always be one of compassion and understanding. If you need advice on supporting someone you know who is experiencing abuse, our call operators are on hand to assist you. The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline is not just for those directly experiencing abuse, but also those around them.


Supporting them to leave an abusive situation.

On average, it takes someone 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship [source]. Within the cycle of abuse, an abuser will regroom their victim and create a “Hook of Hope” that will help keep them within the relationship. These situations are never black and white and many victims may still feel complicated emotions of love for their abuser. We must never judge someone who is finding it difficult to leave an abusive situation.

Signposting them to support resources is an important way to empower them to reach out for help from trained professionals equipped to comprehend the complexities of the situation and assist a victim to work through it. The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline operates 24/7, providing free, confidential and professional support. Our call operators can help advise you or those experiencing abuse on the best course of action for their specific circumstances. We work with other agencies to ensure the right support is there for anyone who contacts us.

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, hosted by Nexus, operates 24/7 and can be reached on 0808 802 1414. Support is also available via email at help@deshelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

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]]> Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline Could Receive 50 calls per Day Over Christmas Week https://dsahelpline.org/2023/12/22/domestic-and-sexual-abuse-helpline-could-receive-50-calls-per-day-over-christmas-week/ Fri, 22 Dec 2023 11:30:12 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=73223 The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline, hosted by Nexus, has reported a trend of increased calls over Christmas Week (25th Dec – 1st Jan) and anticipates that it could receive approximately 50 calls per day over this period this year. Emma Mitchell, DSA Helpline Coordinator said: “While the festive period can be one of […]

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]]> The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) Helpline, hosted by Nexus, has reported a trend of increased calls over Christmas Week (25th Dec – 1st Jan) and anticipates that it could receive approximately 50 calls per day over this period this year.

Emma Mitchell, DSA Helpline Coordinator said:

“While the festive period can be one of joy and celebration with loved ones, for some it becomes a time of heightened anxiety and risk of abuse. We have seen annual increases in calls to the Helpline during Christmas Week, and while it is positive that people are reaching out for support it is of course worrying that they are in a position to need to.

“From Christmas Day 2022 to New Years Day 2023 we noted a 29% increase in calls compared to the same period in the previous year [i]. This increase was particularly evident during the evening and throughout the night.”

In January 2023, the PSNI reported a total of 3,604 domestic abuse calls made over the Christmas period. [ii]

Emma concluded, “Behind each number is a person who, statistics show, experiences up to 35 incidents of abuse before seeking help. It’s important to remember that abuse isn’t just physical, anyone can experience it and it can also happen outside of the domestic setting.

“Our team stand ready to take calls each and every day of the year. We encourage those impacted by domestic and sexual abuse and abusive relationships to reach out for support from our team.

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, hosted by Nexus, operates 24/7 and can be reached on 0808 802 1414. Support is also available via email at help@deshelpline.org and online at dsahelpline.org to ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

ENDS

Notes to Editors

  • The DSA Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Department of Health, Department of Justice and Department for Communities.
  • Nexus is Northern Ireland’s leading charity supporting people impacted by sexual abuse and abusive relationships.
  • If you need advice or support, call the 24hr Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline on 0808 802 1414, it is available 24/7 for any individual impacted by domestic or sexual abuse, either directly or indirectly. Webchat and email services are also available on dsahelpline.org and help@dsahelpline.org.

[i] 25th Dec 2021 – 1st Jan 2022: 270 calls | 25th Dec 2022 – 1st Jan 2023: 356 calls

[ii] https://www.psni.police.uk/latest-news/police-were-called-3604-times-about-domestic-abuse-over-festive-period

 

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]]> Signs and Symptoms of Non-fatal Strangulation https://dsahelpline.org/2023/08/03/signs-and-symptoms-of-non-fatal-strangualtion/ Thu, 03 Aug 2023 13:30:11 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=72654 Would you be able to spot the signs and symptoms of non-fatal strangulation? It could save a life. In June 2023, non-fatal strangulation or asphyxiation (under The Justice Sexual Offences and Trafficking Victims Act NI 2022) became a specific criminal offence in Northern Ireland, punishable by up to 14 years imprisonment. Since then, 49 individuals […]

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]]> Would you be able to spot the signs and symptoms of non-fatal strangulation? It could save a life.

In June 2023, non-fatal strangulation or asphyxiation (under The Justice Sexual Offences and Trafficking Victims Act NI 2022) became a specific criminal offence in Northern Ireland, punishable by up to 14 years imprisonment. Since then, 49 individuals have been arrested for the offence with 26 alleged perpetrators having been charged. [i]

Raising awareness about non-fatal strangulation is crucial in safeguarding victims and preventing such incidents from occurring. When people are informed, they are better equipped to recognize potential warning signs and intervene early, preventing situations from escalating further. Victims of abusive relationships are eight times more likely to be murdered by their partner if non-fatal strangulation had already occurred. [ii]

Non-fatal strangulation includes any action that intentionally affects their victim’s ability to breathe in an attempt to control or intimidate them. Common forms of strangulation or asphyxiation are:

Using two hands around the victim’s neck,
Putting pressure on the victim’s neck using a body part like a foot, arm, knee etc.,
Pulling tightly using a ligature (an object like a scarf or belt) around the neck,
Hanging,
Covering the mouth and nose to prevent breathing. [iv]
Many victims of non-fatal strangulation may not immediately recognize the severity of the act or may be too afraid to report it. Over 10% of people who experience domestic abuse and sexual assault report that they were strangled with vast majority making no report at all. [iii] By increasing awareness, more people can identify and report instances of non-fatal strangulation allowing appropriate intervention that can save lives.

The below graphic from The Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention highlights the key warning signs that someone has been a victim of non-fatal strangulation. If you have been a victim of this crime or think you know someone who has, please call 101 in a non-emergency and 999 in an emergency to report.

 

If you have been impacted – directly or indirectly – by domestic and/or sexual abuse, we are here to support you. You can contact us via phone, email, or live chat 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year.

Call us on 0808 802 1414

Email help@dsahelpline.org

Chat online with us by clicking on the ‘Contact Us Now’ button at the top of this page.

ENDS

[i] Police Service of Northern Ireland

[ii] Police Service of Northern Ireland Non-Fatal Strangulation Toolkit

[iii] Dr Sarah Hull, Clinical Director, The Rowan – ‘What happens if someone is strangled’ video – PSNI Website

[iv] NI Direct – Strangulation and Suffocation

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]]> Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships https://dsahelpline.org/2023/06/15/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/ Thu, 15 Jun 2023 15:24:13 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=71734 What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship is one where you’re free to be who you are. One where you’re able to see and speak to who you like, dress how you want, eat and drink whatever you like, all without having to get permission from someone else or fearing the consequences of doing […]

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]]> What is a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is one where you’re free to be who you are. One where you’re able to see and speak to who you like, dress how you want, eat and drink whatever you like, all without having to get permission from someone else or fearing the consequences of doing as you wish. Being in a healthy relationship should be a positive experience for you and the other person, whether they’re a romantic partner, family member or friend. In a healthy relationship you should feel safe, secure and respected.

What is an unhealthy relationship?

An unhealthy relationship can look different to different people, as we all have different wants, needs and boundaries. However, there are some typical red flags which might indicate that your relationship is unhealthy.

For example, if you’re involved with someone romantically and they expect you to spend all your free time with them instead of having enough time to be alone and with others such as friends and family members, this would be unhealthy.

Another red flag of an unhealthy relationship is if the other person’s behaviour or comments make you feel unhappy or bad about yourself. Maybe they make you feel unsafe by the things they do or say – either to you or about you to others.

Similarly, pressuring you into doing things you don’t want to do or don’t feel ready for is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This could mean that they aren’t respecting your boundaries, which is not good. Boundaries are necessary for setting standards for how you like to be treated. They help to outline your likes and dislikes; establish consent by requiring permission and respect for your values, your feelings and for any differing opinions you may have.

How do I know if my relationship is healthy or unhealthy?

As we mentioned above, every relationship is different. One thing to remember is that no relationship – romantic or otherwise – is perfect. Of course there’s going to be the odd argument or disagreement, but it’s important that these things are occasional and not happening too often.

In a healthy relationship, you’ll both respect each other’s boundaries and respect the fact that you’re not the same person, so you will disagree on some things! In an unhealthy relationship, there may be a lack of respect for boundaries. Another sign to look out for is if the other person brings up past issues to hold them against you, make you feel guilty and possibly pressure you into acting in a certain way.

In a healthy relationship, with proper communication you can work through issues together and come out stronger on the other side. Communication is integral to a healthy relationship. It isn’t just about what we say, it’s about the tone we use and even our body language as we communicate.

An listening is equally as important as talking too! It is essential that you both practice ‘active listening’ – this means not only listening to the words the other person is saying, but also to the message they’re trying to convey. It is important to know that the other person has paid attention and understood when you express yourself to them, as this shows you that they’re respectful of your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

What can I do if I think I’m in an unhealthy relationship?

If you think your relationship is unhealthy, the first thing to do is take some time to sit back and reflect. Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel respected?
  • Am I being listened to?
  • Am I made to feel worthy?
  • Does the other person care for and support me?
  • Do I feel that my opinions are valid?
  • Do I have the freedom to see your friends and family without my partner checking up on you?
  • Can I freely send messages to people without my partner feeling the need to read them?

Remember – these are your rights, and no-one has the right to take them away from you.

If you answered ‘no’ to any of the above, your relationship may be unhealthy. If you need support or are still not sure, you can talk to us anytime, any day on 0808 802 1414, at help@dsahelpline.org or via our Live Chat here on our website.

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]]> 50% Increase in Calls to Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline https://dsahelpline.org/2022/12/22/50-increase-in-calls-to-domestic-and-sexual-abuse-helpline/ Thu, 22 Dec 2022 15:16:15 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=71727 The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) helpline, hosted by Nexus, has seen a 50% increase in calls and a 28% increase in webchats and emails between 1st – 20th December 2022 and the same period last year.[i] It is expecting further increases in the week between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Nichola Greene, Head of the DSA […]

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]]> The Domestic and Sexual Abuse (DSA) helpline, hosted by Nexus, has seen a 50% increase in calls and a 28% increase in webchats and emails between 1st – 20th December 2022 and the same period last year.[i] It is expecting further increases in the week between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day.

Nichola Greene, Head of the DSA Helpline said:

“While Christmas is a joyful time of year for many, unfortunately for some it is a time of fear and worry when circumstances mean instances of domestic and sexual abuse increase.

“In the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day in 2021, we seen a 12% annual increase in calls and a 29% increase in webchats and emails, this was particularly evident during the evening and at night.

“Our dedicated Helpline team are standing ready for the expected surge next week.”

The helpline is also readying itself to refer individuals and families to refuge in January following the Christmas break.

Nichola concluded: “It is important to be able to reach out for help if you experience domestic or sexual abuse. No one should be living in fear or have to experience abuse at the hands of others. There is never an excuse abusive behaviour.”

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 802 1414, email help@dsahelpline.org or online on dsahelpline.org where you can ‘Live Chat’ with an advisor. If you are in immediate danger, please call the Police Service of Northern Ireland on 999.

ENDS

Notes to Editors

  • For more information or to bid for an interview with Nichola Greene, Head of DSA Helpline, please contact the Nexus Communications Team on 07738983590, 07566789933 or email communications@nexusni.org.
  • The DSA Helpline is hosted by Nexus on behalf of the Department of Health, Department of Justice and Department for Communities
  • Nexus is Northern Ireland’s leading charity in supporting people affected by sexual trauma. From April 2019, Nexus also manage the 24 Hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is funded by the Department of Health, Department of Justice and the Department for Communities. The purpose of the Helpline is to offer support, advice and referral for any victim of domestic and sexual abuse in Northern Ireland. The Helpline also offers support and advice to those concerned about victims, those with concerns as to whether abuse is occurring and to professionals.

[i] 1st – 20th December 2021:517 calls and 951 Webchats and Emails

1st – 20th December 2022: 775 calls and 1221 Webchats and Emails

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]]> Launch of new advertising campaign https://dsahelpline.org/2022/08/12/launch-of-new-advertising-campaign/ Fri, 12 Aug 2022 15:25:57 +0000 https://dsahelpline.org/?p=71737 Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline launch their new advertising campaign. On Tuesday 9th August the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline launched their new advertising campaign with new graphics to stakeholders across Government departments and key figures within the charity sector at Parliament Buildings, Stormont. The new graphics will be displayed across Northern Ireland on 15th […]

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]]> Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline launch their new advertising campaign.

On Tuesday 9th August the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline launched their new advertising campaign with new graphics to stakeholders across Government departments and key figures within the charity sector at Parliament Buildings, Stormont.

The new graphics will be displayed across Northern Ireland on 15th August for two weeks across several formats such as Billboards, bus advertising and in key shopping locations across the five health and social care trusts. Locations will include Belfast, Lisburn, Newry, Derry/Londonderry among others.

Commenting on the event Nichola Greene Head of Service for DSA Helpline said , “we are delighted to introduce new images as they reflect a reality many people face when ringing the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline and we hope that the new graphics and slogans will resonate with the public while raising awareness on the various types of abuse. We hope that anyone who empathises with the new slogans will seek help and know that the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. I would also like to thank our funders from the Department of Communities, Health and Justice for their support with the new campaign and to Nexus’ staff who continue to host and support victims and survivors of domestic and sexual abuse.”

The Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline can be contacted on 0808 802 1414, email help@dsahelpline.org and webchat at dsahelpline.org

Please see the rest of our campaign below:

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